King Dork by Frank Portman

Author:Frank Portman
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi, pdf
ISBN: 9780375890703
Publisher: Random House Children's Books
Published: 2008-02-11T16:00:00+00:00

DR. HEXSTROM

My first “therapy” appointment was also during that first week of November. My mom insisted on driving me there, even though I wanted to ride my bike. That was to make sure I wouldn’t duck out, which was a valid concern. She checked me in with the receptionist but didn’t stick around to see the shrink with me—maybe that was against the rules or something.

The psychiatrist was Dr. Judith Hexstrom. My plan had been to give her the old freaky-youth-genius treatment and try to unnerve her with silence and unreadable facial expressions. I was thinking maybe if I could convince her I was legitimately crazy I could at least get some medication that I could give to Sam Hellerman for a Christmas present. It didn’t work out that way, though.

For one thing, to my surprise, I kind of liked Dr. Hexstrom. She wasn’t young or pretty, but there was something about her face that I liked, even though it was my considered opinion that her whole profession wasn’t much more than a shameless racket. And she was by far the most intelligent adult I’d ever talked to.

Here’s how sharp Dr. Hexstrom was: I happened to mention Mr. Teone’s “naked day of zombies” comment, as an example of his bizarre behavior and of how weird normal people can be. “Pretty strange, huh?” I said.

“Not really. If you were wearing that shirt.”

I looked down at my T-shirt, then raised my head and gave her the look that says “how so?”

Dr. Hexstrom said: “Neca eos omnes. Deus suos agnoscet. It’s Latin for ‘Kill them all, and God will know his own.’ From the Middle Ages, the Crusades.”

Damn. I had been wearing my “Kill ’em All” shirt that day, and he had made me turn it inside out. And Dr. Hexstrom’s phrase did sound kind of like what Mr. Teone had said, allowing for his speech impediment. It made more sense than “day of suicide-osity,” anyway, though I’d still classify it as a bizarre episode, especially with all that laughing.

I looked at Dr. Hexstrom, and my look said: “how the hell did you figure that out?”

Then, when she didn’t respond, I said, out loud, if I remember correctly: “How the hell did you figure that out?”

“It’s well known,” she said imperiously.

It’s well known. Not by me it wasn’t. I’m not sure she was able to pick it up, but I gave her the look that said: “well, ladi-da.”

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